Why we need to soften into conflict…
Why we need to soften into conflict…
What does that mean? Giving up our position? Letting the other side win? Or worse yet, LOSING?!
I was thinking about this after a recent argument with my boyfriend.
When we approach confrontation from a place of egoic rigidity, our bodies stiffen in reaction to the constriction in our minds. Breathing shallows, saliva dries up. This is LIVING IN FEAR.
Fear that the other person (partner, spouse, boss, parent) is not going to give us what we WANT.
Fear that we will be UNHAPPY with the answer they give us.
Imagine yourself asking your boss for a raise, or your partner for something that you need in the relationship. What are you afraid of?
Usually our fear is about the other person having CONTROL over our destiny and our happiness.
But if we can SOFTEN INTO this confrontation, we open ourselves to the myriad of ways in which the universe might be trying to tell us something.
Let’s say this year you are denied the raise you’ve been hoping for. Maybe you just can’t let it go and begin to resent your job, your boss and going into work each morning.
Sooner or later, you will find yourself looking for another job.
So that NO you received, which made you very unhappy in the moment, is the CATALYST for something better.
As a fellow yoga teacher said to me, ‘Catherine, a YES is good, a NO is good. They both tell you something different and will illuminate your path ahead.‘
Rigidly over-attaching to a specific outcome denies us the opportunity to find happiness in places we’re not expecting.
The next time you feel yourself AFRAID of a specific outcome, ask yourself:
‘What is the FEAR?’
‘What is the WORST THING that could happen to me if this fear came true?’ (write it down)
‘Are there any possible GOOD THINGS that could arise from this fear coming true?’ (Think big and be creative!)
Do you best to articulate your position from a place of grace, and then surrender to what happens.
Do not be afraid of the TRUTH! (Easier said than done, of course.)
If you have any experiences you’d like to share on this topic, please do!
Catherine Tingey
Entrepreneur, yogini, designer, award-winning filmmaker, personal trainer and former marathon runner. She left a career in finance to start her own business and along the way, became a yoga teacher. She has been practicing yoga for 33 years and teaching privately for 13 years.
About the Author
Catherine Tingey+ Entrepreneur, yogini, designer, award-winning filmmaker, personal trainer and former marathon runner. She left a career in finance to start her own business and along the way, became a yoga teacher. She has been practicing yoga for 33 years and teaching privately for 13 years.
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