Together But Separate
TOGETHER BUT SEPARATE
Learning to live – not simply tolerate – but THRIVE in one’s own company is perhaps the most important skill we can learn in life. 
Through the ups and downs of relationships, careers, families, and our ever-evolving selves, the one constant is YOU.
How can we better understand the sacredness of this primary relationship?
This is a question I’ve thought about a lot.
Like many people, when I fall in love, there’s a period in which I wave goodbye to my former self.
As a team, we’re now forging new traditions and habits as a couple.
It’s hard to find space in our togetherness for WHO and WHAT I USED TO BE.
There are practical considerations like, ‘how do I balance together time and alone time?’
And there is the more subtle, metaphysical change that comes with sharing energy, space and time with another person. Pretty soon, you can find yourself making your lover/partner your higher power, and being unable to envision a life without them.
Sound familiar, anyone?
Now in the days of Lord Byron, this would probably be considered hugely romantic.
In 2013, we call it co-dependent, women who love too much, and a host of other self-helpy terms that essentially pathologize the phenomenon previously known as, ‘falling hopelessly in love’.
A Tai Chi master I know who has been on a spiritual path for some time, says, ‘We should aim to RISE in love, not fall. Any love that takes you down in the process is not REAL love.’
And a mediation teacher of mine, who also is a clairvoyant, advocates specific energy clearing exercises to remove other people’s energies from us, especially those with whom we are intimate. She argues that this daily practice is essential to be able to hear the ‘uniqueness’ of your own voice, needs and wants.
I don’t know how I feel about any of that. On the one hand, isn’t it kind of nice to be all up in someone’s business?
That moment when ME becomes WE?
But when their needs and wants begin to eclipse our own, then we know that balance is missing.
So how to get back on track?
A regular practice of SELF-CARE is your ticket back to your divine self.
Start by getting out of your head, and into your body. What FEELS good? Maybe it’s eating something really rich. Or taking a hot bath with essential oils. Perhaps self massage with oil (abyanga), or even a walk in nature, if that’s your thing.
FIND something that you can do on a regular basis that feels OH-SO-NOURISHING.
Once you discover this thing, whatever it may be – turn it into a RITUAL, a prayer you do for your body, mind and spirit.
Create space for it meaning schedule it, and turn down other obligations so you can prioritize it.
If you find it easier to take care of others instead of yourself, remember that in order to give and love abundantly, we must continually fill our own inner wells.
If you have anything you’d like to share on the topic of self-care, feel free to leave a comment.
You just might help someone in the process!
Catherine Tingey
Entrepreneur, yogini, designer, award-winning filmmaker, personal trainer and former marathon runner. She left a career in finance to start her own business and along the way, became a yoga teacher. She has been practicing yoga for 33 years and teaching privately for 13 years.
About the Author
Catherine Tingey+ Entrepreneur, yogini, designer, award-winning filmmaker, personal trainer and former marathon runner. She left a career in finance to start her own business and along the way, became a yoga teacher. She has been practicing yoga for 33 years and teaching privately for 13 years.
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